lynsie_von_lee

lynsie_von_lee @ 2010-01-04T16:30:00

2010-01-05T00:30:54Z

all of my friends, family, and even my fiance are sick of hearing me go
on and on and on and on and on
about my wedding planning
so i made it into a blog :)

theweddingoflynsielee.tumblr.com/

fuck.

2009-12-22T17:19:54Z

What I love most about rivers is:
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend

I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Where the gulls fly free
Don't know what for
What I dream the day might send
Jut around the riverbend
For me
Coming for me

I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming
For a handsome sturdy husband
Who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming?
Just around the riverbend
Just around the riverbend

I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Somewhere past the sea
Don't know what for ...
Why do all my dreams extend
Just around the riverbend?
Just around the riverbend ...

Should I choose the smoothest curve
Steady as the beating drum?
Should I marry Kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, Dream Giver
Just around the riverbend?

fuck.

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-12-20T20:44:00

2009-12-21T04:44:38Z

i hate when people don't follow their own advice.
then i wonder, do i follow my own advice?
and why do i care what people do or don't do?
i guess i just hate hearing whiney complaints of the same shit over and over again.
everyone is in charge of their own personal happiness.
"if you continue to think like you've always thought, you'll continue to get what you've always got."

being a human is weird.
trying to sympathize, yet trying to not get involved.
i love not getting involved.
people can fight their own battles and make their own experiences.
we live in a codependent society.
i'm guilty of it. we all are.

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-12-19T15:24:00

2009-12-19T23:24:37Z

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."

I'm so happy with my life. Where it is now. Where it is headed. And the people in it. But more than anything, I love finding amazing quotes.

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-12-10T08:15:00

2009-12-10T16:15:52Z

“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." - Aldous Huxley

Lately I've enjoyed being disconnected.
I partly regret reactivating my online accounts because everyone is so pointless.
I've enjoyed being in solitude and have come to realize that I don't really like mankind all that much lately.
Don't take it personal, if you think this applies to you, because it probably doesn't.
But if you want to assume it does, then who cares what I think anyway?
```````````
My camera broke, so I think Matt is getting me a really nice one for Christmas.
Which will be awesome for Gods Girls shoots
and I'm also thinking of starting my own photo-journalism online blog.
Not an informative type, but more artistic/creative. I'm pretty excited.
Christmas is going to be amazing. I've already decorated a bunch and wrapped the gifts I bought so far.
and Matt has been playing Christmas jingles on the piano, so it's all the more lovely.
````````````
My last final is today. I don't know how I think I did on my writing one yesterday.. well, to be honest, I think I fucked it up. but we'll see.
The one today is for my online theatre class and it's fucking ridiculous.
100 questions that I have to have memorized and 2 full essay questions.
NEVER TAKING AN ONLINE CLASS AGAIN!
wayyy too much busy work and inconsistency. but at least I know now while the school life is early.
I finally decided what I want to major in- Administrative Assistant.
It speaks for itself and it's something that will always be needed.
Plus I realized that I don't want to run my own business, I'd rather assist someone in running theirs.
`````````````
“I can sympathize with people's pains, but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness.”

A LITTLE HELP PLEASE!

2009-12-09T02:24:18Z

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-12-08T14:56:00

2009-12-08T22:56:02Z

you know they never really owned you
you just carried them around
then one day you put them down
and found your hands were free

rollercoaster

2009-11-16T18:44:59Z

so the guy with the apartment decided to go a different route and doesn't need anyone to take over his lease.
but i did find another apartment that has really good move-in specials and am gonna go look at it around 2pm.
so we'll see what happens with that.

this morning started out good, then got really stressful, but is now decent again.
i woke up before everybody and got some time to myself which was nice.
and instead of getting a ride to school from matt, i decided to take public transportation.
so i get on the train and realize that somewhere along the way my daughter had thrown/dropped her bottle. i didn't have another one packed, so i called my mom (who babysits) and she didn't have one either. and my daughter needs a bottle otherwise she will get really cranky/fussy and my mom works graveyard and is already super tired when she babysits so i didn't want her having to deal with that.
so i decided to go back home and miss school.
which stresses me out because we have rough drafts for a paper due on friday, but haven't gotten our full assignment for it yet.
but i emailed my teacher and texted a girl in the class, hoping they'll keep me updated on everything.

so like i said, today is a rollercoaster and i'm just riding it out.
i love you all and hope your days are going well :)

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-10-06T12:49:00

2009-10-06T19:55:32Z

today i looked into the mirror and said "I love you" out loud.
i don't know why i've never done it before, because instantly i smiled and saw pure happiness.
i saw what other people see when i'm happy and it was beautiful.
although i had no makeup on, my face blemished and bland, and i fell asleep with my hair wet, causing it to be kinky and unkempt,
the light that shined through my eyes protruded beyond the surface.
i am beautiful when i'm happy.
i am happy when i love myself.

my cute and awesome neighbors are becoming drifters.
so they are getting rid of all of their worldly possessions
and by getting rid, i mean they have them out on the curb with a free sign.
so i've done my share of rummaging and have gotten some amazing treasures.
we even got a neat chair for the living room.
speaking of, i rearranged our living room yesterday and the feng shui of it all is amazing.
now that me and matt are starting on a new path of life together, i figure change is only good.
so i shaved his head and rearranged the living room.
i feel like i need a change within myself as well..
loving myself is a good start.
but i want a physical change.
hmmm.
i guess i'll figure it out when the time is right.
matt joked that i should shave my head too.
haha yeah right. i have way too many scars on my misshaped head for that.
plus it's winter and i'd freeze to death.
but we'll see what i come up with, because when i do it will be amazing.
<3

my birthday

2009-09-15T21:15:33Z

is friday. i'm turning 22 and am not excited about it. i feel like i'm over the hill, with a kid and all. and i really don't feel like celebrating at all.
i don't want a house party because i know it will end up being all of matt's friends and i'll just be annoyed and have to clean up a huge mess the next day.
i don't want to go out because i'm broke.
and i don't want to get a sitter for allora because just this last weekend matt's sister and dad watched her and she came back with giant burn blisters on her hand (i guess she grabbed the hair straightener when his sister was in the bathroom. but the most annoying thing is that they didn't even tell me she got burned! i found the blisters bleeding the next day and started freaking out!) AND she had the WORST diaper rash ever. seriously it was soooo red and there were even sores. it's like they never changed her diaper or something :((((

so fuck it.
it'll just be a normal night at home.
and that's what i want.

i'm gonna barf if anyone send me Happy Bday messages or texts.

BUUUUUUUUUT
if you want to get me something to celebrate, i'm starting school next week and need books and supplies. so help a sister out:
http://amzn.com/w/NZUQBRFKD5N7

thank you and i love you too.

textbooks?!

2009-09-15T19:58:59Z

anybody have any of these textbooks i can borrow/have/buy for cheap:

Patterns For College Writing W/ 2009 Mla Update, Kirszner
ISBN 978-0-312-60152-2

Theater: Lively Art, Wilson
ISBN 978-0-07-351411-6

Theatrical Design & Production, Gillette
ISBN 978-0-7674-1191-2
or
ISBN 978-0-07-351419-2

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-09-10T10:17:00

2009-09-10T17:19:17Z

i've gotten back into writing poetry. it's such a relief to let things go through words.
i realized that lately i've been taking life too literally, so poetry is a good escape...
*sigh* it just feels good. plus it'll help my song writing.
i kind of want to start writing "spoken-word" songs/poems and performing them at open mics.
that's how ani difranco got her start and she just amazes me so i think it will be glorious.

in other news, i discovered the most amazing thing ever: 5HTP.
it's a natural supplement that helps anxiety/depression/panic attacks PLUS it's a sleep aid and appetite suppressant. so it's like THE MOST PERFECT THING EVER!! i stopped breast feeding at the beginning of this week so i can finally start taking it. i took it for the first time last night and slept amazing and woke up alert and refreshed at 6am! before anyone in the house, even the baby.
this stuff is such a life saver. it helps your body create more seratonin naturally and it's just amazing. i love it. love love loveeee it.
i can't wait til it's fully in my system (most supplements take weeks to be fully effective) because i'm hoping that it stops my panic attacks when i drive. we'll see!

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-09-10T09:15:00

2009-09-10T16:34:34Z

it's a soupy day.
the world is wet and steaming.
hot to the tongue, you're good with words.
resonating and contemplative.
unlike mine.
unlike me.
i want to resonate.
to leave a bitter taste on your tongue.
like coffee stains.
on the bottom of a paper cup.
discarded.
my words are disregarded.
they used to flow they used to pour.
but now my lips are dry like bones.
brittle bones strewn along the desert.
bleached by the sun.
sifted by the sand.
perhaps one day they will be discovered.
collected one by one. put back together. and put on display.
an exhibit. an exhibition.
one day you will listen.

i want to write a poem.

2009-09-10T00:49:46Z

off the top of my head.
i'm thinking of you. a piece of paper folded.
and unfolded.
creases left in unwanted places.
you can't decrease paper.
you can't erase old feelings.
they stare up at you as you stare down at them.
trying to forget.
reminding yourself to remember to forget.
a note on the mirror is a temporary fortune.
an ambience of motivation.
an ambulance that picks you up and gets you through the day.
almost.
i want to pick you up. smell your hair. and kiss your lips.
or maybe i don't.
maybe i want to pick you up. light a match. and burn your edges.
ashes fall.
ashes fall like love.

Evolution of Allora-

2009-09-09T18:50:01Z

Newborn-

1 month-

2 months-

3 months-

4 months-

5 months-

6 months-

7 months-

8 months-

9 months-

10 months-

11 months-

1 year-

13 months-

14 months-

napping with kitty :)
gosh there were so many cute ones to decide from!!

in highschool-

2009-09-09T05:38:53Z

during my senior year, i had a morning anthropolgy class and my teacher, mr. sweeting, was amazing and liked me for who i was.
and even though i was always a little late for class, he didn't mind (although he gave my friend detention all the time for it).
well one day, as i was walking into class, late as usual, i noticed that everyone was being more quiet than normal.
so i said aloud, "who died?" jokingly.
i walked up to my teacher to give him my tardy slip and he whispered "so-and-so shot themselves last night"
it turned out that one of the students, whom i didn't know, killed himself the night before and the school was having a moment of silence in his honor.
and i ruined it with my sick sense of humor and terrible sense of comedic timing. hahaha. fml.

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-09-07T14:29:00

2009-09-07T21:30:28Z

even though i've gained a bit of weight, i took some sexy pictures.
they're in my journal on Gods Girls.
please check them out and tell me what you think!

http://www.godsgirls.com/girls/LynsieLee/journal/401122

<333

rainy days.

2009-09-06T16:03:26Z

turned the heat on.
and i plan on cuddling my family alllllllll day!
vanilla nut coffee.
maybe bake some cookies.

love :)

meow

2009-09-06T05:21:50Z

am i a furrie?

bahahahaha!

can i just say..

2009-09-03T16:30:00Z

i really love Gods Girls.
it's one of the most amazing things to happen in my life.
i love everyone on it and it tickles my fancy :)

lynsie_von_lee @ 2009-08-31T11:32:00

2009-08-31T18:49:49Z

at the apartment all day today deep cleaning since we're turning the keys in tonight.
i ordered a pizza and i'm like inhaling it. lmfao. what a pig.
we have like no food at the house or here, so it'll pretty much be all i eat today.

soooo. i'm planning on going to school (hopefully by the end of september).
and in order to do that, my mom will be watching allora.
which means that i have to live closer so the commute isn't hell.
so i'm probably going to be moving out of the house into my own apartment.
me and matt aren't having many problems or anything
i just need to do my own thing for a bit
we're both still young and definitely not ready to settle into the married life situation
so i think it will be amazing.
i wouldn't mind staying bf/gf but he thinks it'd be better if we took a break from the relationship as well to reassess things.
which i don't mind either, because i know he'll still be in mine and allora's lives.
and the love will always be there.
i just know that ONE day we will get married and buy a house, buuuut not today.

i'm very much excited for this new phase of my life.
i want my own place, i want my own say in things.
and i guess overall i'm super stoked because the place i want to live is right behind my mom's
and if i get good financial aid (which i know i will because i'm a single mom) it should help cover rent/bills.
plus i can take allora over to my moms whenever i need to do something like shower or run to the store!
yayyyy :D

i just need to make sure a couple things fall into place;
- go to the college something this week to sign up/register
- get the amount of financial aid living expenses i need
- get the apartment!

and since i tend to be getting everything i want lately (and that's not a good thing; leineweber blegh. haha) then it should all work out!
oh and since i couldn't find a legt school nearby that has Interior Design, i decided to just go to Mount Hood Community College because they have a General Studies degree that specializes in Theatre Tech set design. so with that i'd get the skills/experience i'm looking for and have a degree that can be used just about anywhere because it's general studies. plus theatre has always been my thing so DUH! i think it would be amazing to work for production companies staging the sets and whatnot. and since many companies are coming to portland in the future, it's like the perfect timing!
so i'm freaking excited. and the classes i get to take are gong to be amazing.
eeps!
life is anew.

and the most amazing thing about it all is that i regret nothing. i'm glad i didn't go to college right out of highschool, i feel like i'll benefit from it more at this point in my life. i'm so happy to have allora- she's my only motivation to stay on the right track.
and without matt i would never know true love and understanding.
things are always how they're supposed to be, even though sometimes it's hard to realize it in that very moment.

so let's just hope that everything falls into place with this next step in life.

yayyy

2009-08-28T15:32:02Z

so my friend Shannon is pretty much becoming my BFF.
i've realized we have the most in common, our personalities compliment eachother perfectly and we both have an artistic mindset.
with other friends i have to stress and try to think of things to do.
but with shannon we can do just anything!
and the thing i love the most is that not only our are personalities kind of opposite, but that loves me for who i am and we wouldn't change a thing about eachother.
with past friendships i've realized that one person usually has to try to be like the other for things to work- like a dominant/submissive thing.
and i was usually the one who wasn't comfortable enough with myself to be the domineering figure, so i always gave in to becoming someone i wasn't.
but now i can be me and shannon can be herself and we are happy and have good times.
she makes me happy, but not in a lesbian sort of way.
just a good friend sort of way :)

so anyway, yesterday she came over and brought me coffee and brought her super nice camera so we did an amazing photo shoot!
some pics with me and allora (and sometimes the cat. lol)
and some with just me!
and they turned out suuuuuuuuper nice!!
we have a good future ahead of us :)
here's some of the ones of me, but if you want to see all of them go to her Deviant Art gallery:
ArtisticallyPoetic.DeviantArt.com

anyway, there's a couple of them.
i'm sooo happy with the way they turned out, especially since i haven't modeled for an actual person in quite some time.
and the thing i love the most is that we're both learning our skills together, so i don't feel the pressure of having some well known photographer shoot me, nor have some creep i don't know telling me to take my shirt off in a parking garage. hahaha
but i definitely need to get back in *model* shape.
i know i'm not a whale or anything, but i know what i want with my body and right now it doesn't meet my standards.
i really need a jogging stroller!
but for now i should just get off my ass and stop eating like shit. haha
i tend to get myself into poor eating habits, and i'm pretty sure i have a sugar addiction. but that's a story for another post.

OH! back to shannon.
she also happens to be a cosmetologist so on saturday i'm going into her salon to get my hair/makeup done and then we're doing another shoot!
i'm super stoked.
matt will be out of town, so my mom is watching allora for the day.
so it'll be awesome. i can't wait :D

but yeah matt is going on a little mini tour for down to redding, california.
his band is playing a show here in portland tonight and then they're driving overnight to redding to play a show on saturday. and then they're headed back.
i know it doesn't seem like much, but they have a pretty big following in redding and want they're fans to feel the love.. and also buy their new cd. hehe

okay that's enough rambling. check out all the pictures, especially the ones of my adorable baby, on shannon's deviant art page!!
oh and i should mention, all of the photos were shot at my amazing new house :D

i wish i may i wish i might

2009-08-26T23:05:06Z

i wish i had a nanny
or actually i really want an Au Pair
which is a nanny from a foreign country that exchanges her services just for room and bored and a weekly allowance
if we had a spare room i would totally get one
or if me and matt ever break up and he moves out i'd get one and she could live in the basement
but the moral of the story is that i really really want one
because i'm sick of having to find sitters all the time
i feel rude asking
because we really only have two; my mom and matt's sister.
and my mom can usually only watch her during the day
and matt's sister is about to start working 2 jobs.
so UGH it's annoying.
and i feel like a bad friend when i can't do things because i need a sitter.
i mean, matt will and can watch her if he's not doing anything.
but he's like ALWAYS doing things.
and i'm not gonna ask him to not do what he wants in his free time
because he works and provides for our family so i don't have to.
so this is when an Au Pair would be amazing.
i'd really like a french one.

one day. one day...

lazy susan.

2009-08-21T18:13:38Z

tonight is our housewarming party
and i am sooooo lazy
haha
i need to do tons of cleaning and organizing
and right now would be the perfect time because allora is napping
buuuuuuuut
i've got a case of the lazies

blahhhhh

even to lazy to write a good entry.
deal with it.
or bring me a diet rockstar and watch allora while i clean?
(assuming she'll be up by the time you get here)

cha?

sigh

2009-08-15T15:55:49Z

so yesterday i was trying to convince matt to go to my moms and get me the kitty she was supposed to bring me.
and he kept saying, "we'll see" and junk like that
so i assumed he wasn't going to.
then he said he was going from our friend peter's place straight to our friend travis' place and was probably gonna spend the night
because he didn't want to drink and drive
so i just figured we'd get the kitty some other time and i'd be spending the night alone
well...
allora fell asleep on the couch and i was watching the curb marathon and playing farmville
and i hear the doorbell ring
i was kinda freaked out so i went to answer it slowly and turned the porch-light on
then i opened the door and no one was there
so i looked down and saw the kitty in it's crate and a dozen roses on top of it!!!
then matt jumped out from the side of the house to surprise me!
omg it was the bestest thing everrrrr
flowers and a kitten?!
and it's not even my birthday nor any holiday or time for celebration.
gah! this house has made our lives so much better
and this kitten is amazing, especially with allora
it let's her pick it up and hit it and everything and it just purrs. lol
i'm not sure if it's male or female yet, but i'm thinking it's a boy.
either way i'm getting it fixed
and i definitely need to get some flea shampoo for it
so yeah, last night allora slept in her crib and i slept in the livingroom with the kitty
it cuddled me allllll night (and i'm not even exaggerating!)
this cat is so perfect for our family. hehe. yay!
>^.^<